God Awful Games: The 15 Worst Games of All Time; 2013 Edition [Part 1 of 3]

Some games should have never seen the light of the day. Some are so bad that they reserve a special place at the bottom of the shit barrel. I'm digging into the game vault to see what games are the best and the worst of a culture that spans close to 40 years now. Few can top the best, Few can do worse than the absolute worst. So, let's get our hands deep down into the warm, steaming manure to see what we have.

15th worst game of all time- Bible Adventures (NES)
Guilty Party: Wisdom Tree

This game shouldn't have existed. Back when the NES came out in 1985- you needed to pay a royalty to Nintendo in order to sell games. Wisdom Tree got around this and sold unlicensed copies as a "Christian" game company. These games were meant to keep kids occupied for 5 fucking minutes during Sunday School and feature some of the worst controls, indoctrination schemes and horribly sounding music I have ever heard in my life. It's worth checking out if you get the ROM or a copy of the game- but you're a sadist to even play this pile of shit.

14th worst game of all time-  Lester the Unlikely (Super Nintendo)
Guilty Party: Visual Concepts

I had the unfortunate misfortune to play this half assed game. It's a sloppy platformer that literally takes control of the character from the player- inputs won't work and Lester does stuff on his own. The controls are sloppy, gameplay is cryptic, horrible and downright boring. Not to mention it tries to enshrine a common stereotype of the programming 'computer nerd'.

13th worst game of all time- Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle (NES)
Guilty Party: KEMCO (Warner Bros.)

When I was three years old in 1991, my parents got me an NES. I played Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt a ton, but my parents thought it would be cool if they bought a game for me with the Looney Toons on it. The controls are horrible. If you don't preplan for glitches and piss controls- you're fucked in a corner. There are no attacks and no way to save yourself. Do it wrong and you start all over. Fuck that.

12th worst game of all time- Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em (Atari 2600)
Guilty Party: Mystique

Seriously. You've fucked up as a human being if you're game is any worse than this. It's exactly like what it sounds- if you don't know the intracacies of adult jokes... don't worry about it. It's a poorly made atari porn game designed to make a quick buck off of horny perverts. Something is definitely "beat" and "eated" alright.He beats em, she eats em.

11th worst game of all time- Giggolo (Atari 2600)
Guilty Party: Mystique

Jiggolo is actually urban slang (old school) for a pimp. This game has you going around and fucking a bunch of women. Be careful- the po-po are out to get you as well as a criminal! Like breaking and entering for a good fuck wasn't a crime enough, this game... doesn't suck. It's FUCKING HORRIBLE.