Nerding Out- Super Soakers

a 2010 remake of the original SS-50 super soaker, released in 1991.

Back in 1997, the game boy was a massive hit, and Pokemon began to arrive on the shores of the US, catching the nation's children by storm. Of course, I was all caught up in the middle of it with my friends. During the summer, there was no school, and a lot of things could be done. The N64 was out and the Playstation 1 was insanely popular. Among these childhood favorites was the famous Super Soaker.

Invented in the early 1990s by Lohnny Johnson, the earliest water gun, the SS50, was made out of crude PVC and water bottles. Today, 20 years later, the world is NOT sharing the same innovation and wow factor that water guns had. In fact, the market has a level start, a major increase, a peak from 1997 to 2002, and then it dropped off... suddenly, and without reason.

I am not talking about dinky squirt pistols for kids; I am talking about the massive water cannons and water assault rifles that came out in the golden age known as 1996-1998. In these three years, monster water cannons (no pun intended) were released, releasing at maximum 849 mL/sec at a target. To give you an idea, thats half a 2L soda in a SECOND released from the firing chamber. Later models sported backpacks for extended fights. Not only were water wars fun, they cooled you off AND offered kids incentives to go outside and play.

When 2003 hit, Hasbro discontinued the line of semi to powerful water cannons for a few rumored reasons. No official reasons were given. The unofficial explanations are:

1) Hasbro received complaints about large water cannons taking up shelf space.
2) Hasbro received complaints about large water guns/expensive guns ($20-$30? really? that's not bad at all).
3) Hasbro received complaints about unsafe volumes of water being released from water cannons.
4) As a result, Hasbro shifted their marketing tactics towards an audience under the age of 8.

From a marketing standpoint, it made sense, but Hasbro also killed all the fun along with this process. After complaints about "cheap" water blasters, the engineering team behind the toys stepped up their game and made decent sidearms and light rifles, but after 2002, we never saw an assault rifle again. Maybe if you fit more smaller blasters on a shelf for a cheaper price, they would sell better.

Now that I am in college, I can't really do this stuff anymore- mainly because I have other, more important things to take care of. Water warfare is a lost art that will always have a place in my heart- and from time to time I have always tried to sneak into parties with one, where people were always asking "where did you get that".

Today, these relics of the past sell for anywhere between $50 USD to $400 USD on sites such as Ebay. Stick to yard sales if you really want a taste, but this is one of those hobbies that was doomed ever since Hasbro changed their marketing strategies. Good fun, if you aren't dinky.

The following is a list of super soakers, ranked highest to lowest by rate of fire in (mL/sec).

Class             Blaster               RoF (mL/sec)              Tank Size         Year

Cannon	CPS 2000	849	3100	1996
Cannon	CPS 2500	459	3100	1998
Cannon	CPS 3000	383	8000	1998
Cannon	Monster XL	379	3500	2000
Cannon	CPS 3200	364	8000	2000
Cannon	Monster X	316	3100	2000
Assault Rifle	CPS 1500	275	3000	1998
Assault Rifle	CPS 1700	275	3000	2000
Assault Rifle	Power Pak	271	3400	1999
Assault Rifle	CPS 2100	212	2000	2002
Assault Rifle	CPS 2700	205	4000	2000
Assault Rifle	CPS 4100	199	2180	2002
Assault Rifle	CPS 1000	195	2300	1998
Assault Rifle	SS 300	190	6500	1993
Light Rifle	CPS 1200	141	2350	2000
Light Rifle	Hydroblitz	116	3050	2007
Light Rifle	WW Scorpion	105	1380	2006
Light Rifle	WW Vindicator	97	3030	2009
Light Rifle	WW Orca	96	2500	2007
Light Rifle	Aquapack Dev	90	2950	2005
Light Rifle	MI Overload	82	3780	2006
Light Rifle	WW Vanquisher	75	3200	2010
Light Rifle	EES Tempest	72	800	2003
Light Rifle	Splashzooka	69	2200	2001
Light Rifle	XP 110	66	1200	1998
Light Rifle	MAXD-5000	65	1200	2002
Light Rifle	Secret Strike	63	775	2003
Sidearm	MAXD-3000	56	400	2002
Sidearm	Aquashock	55	1230	2007
Sidearm	Triple Aggressor	54	2000	2004
Sidearm	XP 150	52	1500	1998
Sidearm	XP 150	52	1500	1994
Sidearm	MAXD-6000	49	1600	2002
Sidearm	WW Lightning	48	1100	2003
Pistol	Oozinator	47	900	2006
Pistol	Flash Flood	45	1170	2005
Pistol	Arctic Shock	44	1350	2005
Pistol	SS 100	41	1350	1997
Pistol	XP 270	37	1220	2000
Pistol	XP Triple Play	37	300	2001
Pistol	MI Defender	35	950	2006
Pistol	SS 200	27	2050	1992
Pistol	EES Turbine	25	1310	2003
Pistol	XP 20	13	n/a	1998
Pistol	SS 50	10	730	1991